Sex Toys: Fear

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Sex toys for women are abundant. There are shops where women and couples can go and buy sex toys. Online, there are many websites that have vast collections of sex toys for different genders, sexual orientation, and so on. But there is a vague fear of sex toys, both in men and women. If you do a quick internet search on whether vibrators are healthy or not, the top results are religious and condemn the use of vibrators, while others, for other reasons, also do not encourage vibrator use. (And most results are talking only about women, not men.) However, what do the doctors say? Many doctors encourage the use of vibrators for various reasons; such as, inability to orgasm, hormonal changes (menopause), boring sex life, etcetera. The types of doctors that recommend vibrators or any other type of sex toy vary; some are gynecologists, general physicians, and others can be psychologists. Dr. Oz, an American doctor with a television show, has a blog where he and other doctors write articles on various subjects. Here is a brief article discussing vibrators and why they might be recommended by a doctor.

Again, very rare mention of men and how they can benefit from using a vibrator or any other sex toy. For now, let’s focus on women and why many are discouraged from using a sex toy.

As with everything, moderation is the best way to lead a healthy life. But truth be told, if something feels good we are bound to do it again and again and again. This is one reason why sex toy usage can be discouraged or harshly judged. The fear is that it could cause a rift in the relationship because she might get dependent on the vibrator. There is a fear that if a woman uses sex toys she will shun all men, that no man will ever really satisfy her, and that she has no need for a man. These are fears and lies. Whether it is a woman or a man using sex toys, whether gay or heterosexual, human contact is irreplaceable and so there will forever be a need and want for another.

The second fear is physical dependence, meaning that the person can no longer achieve orgasm without the sex toy. This does happen sometimes, but it is like when a woman can’t reach orgasm unless her nipples are being stimulated. Or let’s say it is similar to a man who cannot orgasm without his socks on. These are mental habits that can be broken or reinforced. The result is physical difficulty reaching orgasm any other way. Another concern that has been raised is the risk of physical harm to the genitalia. Claims have been made that strong vibrators used often on the clitoris damage the nerve endings. Then, there are claims that refute those other claims. So, what do we do? Well, we react with fear first, then we close off the possibility of new sexual and healthy experiences, and then we sit in judgment of others. It is all ineffective and unhealthy. As long as you aren’t doing intensely wild things in bed with your average sex toys, the risk of harming yourself are said to be minimal.

Both men and women often fear the judgment of friends or anyone else when considering using sex toys. One thing they fear is the judgments made about their sexuality. Oh, you’re such a pervert! You must be a lesbian. Using a vibrator makes you gay. Can’t get a man? Can’t get one to sleep with you? And so on. Really, the reasons one has for buying a sex toy is no one else’s business. Whether it is to explore your sexuality or to enhance your sexual experience, any judgments made are a reflection of the person making them. Sex toys have been around for ages, since ancient times. Without this kinkiness the world would be a whole lot emptier. Wanting to experience something different is good. Wanting explore and understand your sexuality is healthy. Whatever someone says or thinks about your sexuality is irrelevant to who you really are.

Namaste.

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