It’s strange. It’s strange how my heart begins to beat faster, how my fingers tremble slightly as they reach for the appropriate keys to type, how sometimes I pull back from posting certain things because of fear. Fear is a powerful thing and around each of life’s corners it is waiting to pounce. I am someone who knows how to deal with fear, how to overcome fear, but that does not mean that I haven’t been pummeled to the ground by it. It does not mean that fear has never crippled me, left me curled into a ball in my bedroom floor, kept me inside looking out a window wishing and hoping for courage with the shadows of depression threatening to subdue me for good. Like night sweeps over and brings fatigue to bones and like day brings its vitality-infusing light, so too does life alternate between glorious happy moments and withering, crippling moments.
This blog and the things I write about here are not, how to explain this?, the norm. The thing is, I have never cared about normal. I have never cared about belonging and the truth is that it is because I never have, even when I’ve tried. Now it is something I am quite proud of. Religion is a delicate subject and here I write about spirituality, which is almost like a line running parallel, never touching the reality of dogma but almost mirroring and reflecting certain subtleties, running parallel, freely, and independently of everything that is accepted and known. This divergence from what is common and comfortable brings with it many risks; the primary risk being seeming insane. Right? The things we talk about here are not well understood and rare, but the more I write and the more research I do, the more it seems that people are turning their attention to this other side of reality. And then there are the comments some of you guys leave me. Touching, honest, inspiring, engaging, humbling, is how I describe your comments. Little by little this is becoming a community and I never expected any of this. Some of you may be reading this and rolling your eyes wondering what I am talking about, I only have a few subscribers/followers, but I am telling you that even that, however small it may seem to you, I never expected. This is all exciting and now that I finished my college studies I am going to put more time and effort into this blog.
That means there will be more posts on the topic of twin souls, sex, love, spirituality, psychic things that are pretty unbelievable, and then, here’s where I choke, Greek Polytheism, or even just polytheism in general. Here is where fear stretches out its bony hand to clasp around my throat. In our modern world the Greek Gods are a joke. The Greek Gods, and the Nordic Gods, have all been made into superheroes, or villains, or characters of poorly written and uninspired fiction. Anyone who believes in any of the old polytheistic religions runs the risk of being seen as a joke. I tend to not share my spiritual beliefs with anyone in my personal life, but here I am, writing about it with my name and face visible to whoever comes ’round here. I don’t find it offensive how Hollywood has adopted the Gods, rather I enjoy those movies. My concern, and what is often more of a fear than anything else, is that as I go through life and work on getting my books and stories published, as I move into the professional world of publishing, my beliefs will eclipse my efforts. As I am writing this I can’t help but think how irrational this fear is and I realize that that is fear; fear is an irrational and feral beast. But then I take a look around, I look at what is happening in this world and how religion is constantly tearing people apart, and I cannot help but cringe and pull back as I wonder when it will be my turn.
Shoot! I have already had people try to evangelize me when I briefly shared my spiritual perspective, so my mind does wander to those fringe planes of possibilities. But here’s what I love about writing: I write and whatever it may be is not being forced on anyone. Those that find what I write do so of their own volition. I have found freedom in writing here. Freedom, as liberating as it may be, as exhilarating as it may be, brings with it great unknowns and as is the nature of humanity, fear of the unknown is just one more characteristic.
I deal with risk and fear on a regular basis, because risk and serious injury are part of every moment of motorcycling. Riding down the streets of this city brings with it constant challenges and surprises. When riding there is nothing else but the sound of my bike’s engine and the present. There is nothing else but that exact moment where my heartbeat, the howling of the wind, and the thrilling leans and bounces of my bike all coalesce into one. Each breath and moment of life is taken fully, embraced wholeheartedly, and each risk and fear is handled, and then left behind to become miniscule in my bike’s mirrors. So, what I am saying is that I will continue on this road with this blog regardless of, of everything, regardless of what may leap at me at the next corner, and will finally shake off that pesky hitchhiker called Fear.