Tag Archives: I hate my twin soul

Twin Souls: When Reunion Doesn’t Happen


wpid-unsplash_women-in-green_ykvgswa.jpg.jpegThe idea and hope of the twin soul relationship is that there be a reunion, reunion being the establishment of the relationship for good with no more separation cycles. But, sometimes, reunion doesn’t happen. Why the twins do not reunite depends on the couple, some are only meant to meet, love, learn, and separate.

After separation, there is pain, confusion, and fear. The thing is, the twins unite everything about themselves. Whether they are physically united or spiritually united, the twins combine into each other. Twins become one. And when they separate there is chaos within them, because suddenly a part of themselves is missing…again.

There is a severe disorientation and a desperation to run back to each other, to return to what is familiar. And when that is not possible, it is painful, like something tearing deep within. The twins can feel their souls tearing, separating. Their souls are literally tearing inside of them, their energies are separating, their consciousness are separating. It is as much a physical event as a spiritual event. Some might get physically ill after a separation, like a cold, a fever, or stomach issues, fatigue, basically small ailments.

The twin soul relationship adds depth to reality, but it also reveals the superficiality and ephemeral aspects of life. Twins learn the value of love while also learning about the transient nature of all relationships. If the twins manage to learn more spiritual knowledge, they may realize the meaning of life; the true meaning of life, not just their own. All this knowledge changes perspective, changes what is real and meaningful, and as long as the twins are together in some form of a relationship, these hard and cold truths are bearable. Friendships are not so important when with the twin because the twin fills up all of the space in the heart of the other. The twin become friend, lover, guide, teacher, and foe.

Separation forces each twin to face the world on their own with their newly found knowledge. Not only that, but each twin is now changed. They are not the same as when the relationship first started and that is the problem. The twins will be confused, they won’t know what to do. It is like being lost, being in an unfamiliar city with no family or friends, and not being able to ask for directions because you don’t know where you are going. Soon after, or immediately after, separation everything will feel empty. The twins will feel empty inside. Though they are not empty within, the missing part of the other will feel like a gaping hole inside. What makes it more difficult is that though the twins are separating or separated, their pain will be multiplied because the other is also suffering. They will still feel each other’s pain until the separation is complete. It is a process that can take days or weeks, or even months. Some might react to the whole situation with anger. A twin might feel angry with himself or herself, with the world, or with the Gods/God, and with the twin. Life will seem like a chore. It will not have meaning; it’s just something you have to do.

And then the questions begin, the doubts may double. Was it ever real? Are twins a thing? Did I really experience all of that? Each twin will have to find the strength within to figure out the answers and to find their way back to themselves.





Twin Souls: Pride, Envy, Hate, and Every Sin Possible


“Vanity” by Aguste Toulmouche, completed 1890.

Twin souls or twin rays are just two people who love each other eternally, even through hate, pride, envy, and everything else you can imagine. When there is hate, envy, pride, there is an underlying pain that tears at the soul and this pain stems from that eternal love. Because the love of twin souls is eternal it does not mean that both lovers will always express it or will always be aware of its existence. The twin soul love can be dormant for years and years, through lifetimes and lifetimes. However, one must be careful not to confuse intense admiration or affection or attraction for the eternal love that is the twin flame love. Every one has a twin flame but not everyone is incarnated with their twin. The twin soul is not only about intensity and absorption of the other, but of Spirit and its lessons. Love evolves and grows, it pulsates and expands, and it is mutual.

At the beginning of the twin soul union there is doubt. Are these feeling real? Am I imagining this? It is when the doubt is embraced, when the challenge is accepted and the possibility of failure or loss is embraced, that the doubt vanishes to reveal the truth about the relationship. Being honest with yourself and truly looking at yourself will reveal whether it is your twin. That being said, we are all just people and this means that we all have the ability to feel pride, envy, hate, and every other sin possible. Twins meet through cycles, both in the present life and in lifetimes, and so the challenges they have to face depend on their souls’ experiences. When you meet your twin soul it is because there is something you need to learn, something about the universe and life, that only the twin can teach you. Understanding pride, hate, and envy may be one of those soul lessons that the twin is here to teach you or vice versa. Life is about learning, every little thing we do is not without its lesson.

Again, at the beginning of the relationship there is more taking. There is this rush and desperation to touch the other, to kiss and nibble, to get to know the other in every way possible. The norm seems to be that there is always one twin that wants to know more about the other than the other twin does about the other (confusing?). Some refer to it as the chaser. But I think that once the relationship is established, whether physically or spiritually, there is an evening out of want, desire, and chase. It is during the periods of taking, learning, and growing on each other (which do not just happen in the beginning) that greed, envy, hate, and pride can be exposed. Think of these four things as having been hiding in the shadows of the relationship; they have always been there. These sins come out in the relationship because it is the twin soul relationship. It is and it is not like every relationship; it is not because there cannot be any secrets, it is just not possible. The ill wishes of one towards the other manifest in the reality of the other, and depending on the soul-age of the twins they manifest quickly, or slowly, or not at all. The twins are united by one soul heart which allows them to feel and know each other. If one is jealous of the other, then the envied twin will know and will suffer because of it; and the envying twin will suffer because of the other’s suffering. See, between the two of them they form a circle. This is the circle of life, a circle of love, a circle of everything, and they exchange between themselves everything.


“Moon and Stars” by Melissa Portan

If both twins are going through a cycle of envy, pride, or hate, both will be suffering and it will be evident to each and those around the couple or individuals (if they’re not in an established, known relationship). These are cycles good and bad, like night and day. When it comes to the twins hating each other there can be many reasons for it. One of the reasons is that the hate stems from their subconscious realization that their relationship is not working out, not how they had wanted it, and that perhaps it needs to end. Some twin soul relationships do not last the entire lifetime. Some of these relationships come, change everything, bring about an internal revolution, and then go. It is not possible or accurate to say all twin soul relationships last a lifetime, one twin may die before the other, one twin may choose to not be in the relationship, life circumstances can separate them, and so on. The twin soul relationship is about unification on all levels, from within to without, from the souls to the bodies, and it is also about separation and letting go. The separation and letting go part of the relationship is the hardest and scariest part, but it is necessary. Hate can grow because of many reasons, perhaps he hurt you or she hurt you, perhaps one betrayed the other, and now there is hate and pain. There can be misplaced hate, misdirected hate. The emotions that the twin soul relationship causes or exposes are the same emotions any other relationship can cause, except it is amplified, it is truer; perhaps purer is the better word. The emotions come bare and with full force, the essence of the thing, and there is no escaping them.

Whatever dark situation the twins may face, whichever sin the twins have to deal with, avoiding  the problems will only cause pain. Avoiding these issues separates each twin from their own true selves. This separation  from their true selves is what causes discord, pain, anger, and the separation they are so desperately trying to avoid. Each one, each twin, has to face his or her own darkness and faults. Both twins will force each other, unconsciously and consciously, to face themselves to the very bone. This is one of the things that separates the twin soul relationship from the soul mate relationship. In a soul mate relationship the faults are accepted in a conceding manner, in an understanding manner, where the couple acknowledges the faults in each other and skids around them. Soul mates can live harmoniously and spend a whole lifetime like this but twin souls would tear each other’s heads off. It is not that the twins become perfect and banish from their being all sins, that is not the definition of perfection, but that the twins reconcile their faults and understand them, often overcoming them; basically they reach a full awareness of themselves.

In a way that is difficult to understand, the dark side of human nature is a benefit to the twins. These challenges make the soul wiser, stronger, and kinder. The twin soul relationship at its most fundamental level is about ascension, about achieving higher consciousness, about elevating the soul. That cannot be achieved without difficulties. .





Photo Credit: Melissa Portan

Photo Credit: Melissa Portan

The Near Twin

"Conversation in the Rain" by Dom Crossley

“Conversation in the Rain” by Dom Crossley

There are soul mates. There are twin souls. Within the category of soul mates there are a variety of sub categories, each one providing a different facet of love. We all have soul mates and we all have twin souls; however, not everyone is here to be with their twin, not everyone is looking for a soul mate, not everyone wants or needs the same things. Twin souls are rare and the relationship, whatever form it takes, is strenuous. Aside from the oddities that make the twin soul relationship rare (telepathy, spiritual aspects, fear, doubt), there is what is known as the near twin.

Often writers of this unconfirmed, unproven topic, ignore the subject of the near twin. Why? Well, because what there is to say about the near twin is not pleasant. Perhaps fear of losing readers or followers keeps writers treading on egg shells. Or, these writers don’t know what they’re writing about and get their information from other writers who also don’t know anything. The near twin is often considered a negative, something that should be avoided, and it is barely understood. The near twin adds another level of complexity to the already complex twin soul topic. What the near twin brings to the scene may be contradictory to what is already understood or it may seem that way at first, causing fear and pain. That is why this topic is avoided. I don’t know if everyone in a twin soul relationship will meet a near twin, but it seems to be a necessary part of the soul’s evolution. Keep in mind that not all of this and not all of what is written on the topic is definitive. How could it be? We are exploring and learning and wherever I have doubts I will let you know.

What is the near twin? If the twin soul is the other half, the perfect counterpart for the soul, then the near twin is the quarter half. The near twin resembles the twin soul. It is not the quarter half, that is just a metaphor, but the resemblance between the twin and the near twin is so great that it can be indistinguishable. Twin souls share the same energy, the same mind, the same heart. But this is not in the physical, it is in the spiritual that the twins were one and can again become one. This unity manifests in the physical through a very passionate and difficult love. It is a love that is equal both in giving and receiving. The near twin, however, does not share the same energy, the same soul energy, but it resembles your own energy. Each twin has a near twin. Just as everyone has a twin soul, everyone has near twin.

In a situation where the twins have somehow met, either physically or spiritually, and the near twins appear, confusion, discord, fear, anger, and fights arise. It could be that both twins individually and separately run into their own near twin, or that one does be for the other, or that only one twin meets with his or her near twin. There are various reasons for meeting the near twin, many reasons and lessons. The main reason for this type of relationship is that the near twin provides lessons about love. What those lessons are is personal, varies from person to person, and how long the relationship lasts also varies. A near twin relationship can last a lifetime or just a few months.

There are signs or characteristics of the twin soul relationship and the near twin heavily resembles those signs. It is this extreme similarity between the two, the near twin and the twin, that causes confusion and doubt. Suddenly, you’re not sure if he is your twin soul? Is she really your twin? The twin soul love is profound and while enveloped in it, the twins love only each other, at least, in a manner that is unconditional. That unconditional love that many think cannot be replicated, is replicated in the near twin. There is attraction towards the near twin, love towards him or her, synchronicity, and even telepathy. Here doubt causes everything to fall apart and suddenly, they don’t know each other, don’t know if one belongs to the other, or even if this whole twin soul business is real.

It becomes about uncertainty and identity. There is a sudden apprehension in the relationship, a sudden fear of picking or loving the wrong person, even of betrayal. Twin souls are not immune to betrayal, hate, and jealousy. Often, the twin soul relationship is regarded as some sort of superior relationship and it is idealized, but it is as special as every other connection love makes throughout the planet. What makes the twin soul relationship special is the individuals, for it is supreme for them, not for everyone else. When this doubt and fear that the near twin raised sets in, it is like the beginning or like the initial twin soul meeting where the person doubts of what is real and what is imagined. You don’t know who the other person is, yet you recognize them, and so, you fear approaching him or her. Do I know you? Yes, yes I do.  What if I’ve been wrong all along? What if you are my real twin? These sort of questions bog the mind of the twin, if just one of the twins meets his or her near twin, it pulls him or her away from the true twin. The instinct, the natural response to such situation is to fight the distancing, to fight the love that was once thought unique and exclusive to one person. Here the twins fight and struggle to keep themselves together, deny the possibility of their love being shared or being universal, and they often separate.

The twin soul relationship has many cycles, each one having what one may call themes. There are cycles of intense union, either physical, sexual, or spiritual. There are cycles of challenges, financial and emotional. There are cycles of creative union where the twins work together in harmony and create. The near twin overlaps various cycles depending on the couple, on the individual, on the lessons that need to be learned. For others, for those that have never met their twin soul, for those in a relationship with their near twin, it may be that the near twin cycle could last a lifetime. Near twins and twins are about experiencing an elevated aspect of love, something that allows one to see behind the veil.







Photo Credit: Melissa Portan

Photo Credit: Melissa Portan