Tag Archives: tarot

Tarot Horror: 10 Seconds to Leave


Today is Sunday. The sun came out gently and the crisp smell of winter surrounded my home. My neighbors were, for once, quiet. Then, I remembered that someone was coming in today for a morning consult. I had already met her two days ago. I met this lady, whose name I don’t know, when I got home from school and work. She had been getting a tarot reading from my mom and they had finished when I arrived. Immediately I saw that something was amiss. She was upset, tense, and I saw that my mom was exasperated. They said they were waiting for me. Sounded a little creepy and I was surprised.

“What for?”, I asked.

“She wants you to see her.” said my mom.

I then understood that this desperate woman wanted me to give her answers to a problem I knew nothing about. She wanted me to see her. I’ve found in doing this type of work that sometimes people just want that; sometimes people just want to be seen, in all the sense of the word. So, I sat down across from her, looked at her forlorn face, and told her what I saw. It wasn’t hard because my heart went out to her, I felt for her, and as I write this now and think of what happened today, I feel so so sorry for her. See, it is not pity what I feel, don’t misunderstand me, I just wish she didn’t have to experience what she is experiencing. But I understand that it is not my responsibility to solve or fix anything for anyone, simply to wipe the dust off the present.

I told her that she was having a problem with a cellphone. I asked her what it was. She was shocked, her soft brown skin turned pale and she didn’t speak. My mom intervened and told me that they had already discussed that, which I had not heard since I had not been there. The lady suspected that her lost phone was stolen by her boyfriend in order to spy on her. I told her other things, personal and hopefully helpful. I told her of herself, because sometimes the querent, the person seeking the reading, just doesn’t know about himself or herself, and then everything else doesn’t make sense, no matter how simple the issue.

She was happy and impressed with what I told her. I didn’t lie to her or give her false hope. I explained to her that sometimes I have to say harsh things, things people might not want to hear. She understood. And she said she would come back on Sunday, that being today.

So she came today. It all started with a phone call asking us if she could come in sooner, an hour sooner, because she couldn’t find anyone to babysit her daughter. I said okay, ate quickly and got in the shower. It was while I was showering that my mom started knocking on the bathroom door. I let her in and she explained to me that the lady was already here, downstairs, but that she was with her boyfriend. She told me that they both wanted to come in, together. I understood it to mean that they wanted a joint reading. I once thought that joint readings were doable, but after a horrible experience, I realized that it is not. I told my mother that I would not see both of them at once, one at a time. I hurried to get ready and my mom let the lady and boyfriend know.

When I came out of the bathroom, the lady was sitting in the chair. The look on that woman’s face caused my stomach to turn, I felt my gut drop and my heart tense. She was crying, barely, her face almost frozen. And then she said that the boyfriend had followed her here, to my home, and that he was downstairs waiting for her. My mom confirmed and described him as being furious. Then the lady told me that the boyfriend had slapped her, in the middle of the street, slapped her across the face. What could I do? I immediately thought of calling the police. The man was downstairs, right outside my door, and this woman was in  my living room, silent.

“Take your jacket off.” I told her in an effort to make her comfortable. What could I do? I kept asking myself, what can I do?

We had a small conversation, broken, only phrases and words. Then her phone rang. It was the boyfriend. I heard his voice coming from the cellphone even though it wasn’t on speaker. His voice was mean, heavy, and he demanded that she go downstairs.

“I’m just going to go and see what he wants.”

“Okay.” Again, what could I do? I told her that he could not come in. I said to her, moments after she had arrived, “I don’t know him, but he cannot come in. I do not want him in here.”

She went down the stairs and I heard the apartment door open. Then I heard their hushed voices. Then it went quiet. I heard her footsteps coming back up the stairs. The front door was left open, and then I saw the piece of shit on the last step of my stairs. She sat back down next to me and I said to him, “Woa, señor, nobody gave you permission to come in. You cannot be here.” He laughed and was about to step further into the living room, “No, do not take another step forward. From that point you do not pass.” I hate men like him and I know how to deal with them. “I give you ten seconds to leave this place or I will call the police.” He laughed slightly and kept asking the lady for a picture.

“Where’s the photo?”

I started my countdown, “Ten, nine, eight,” and he spoke to her, asking to search her bag for a photograph of himself.

My mom started to panic, but I continued my countdown. “Seven, six, five, four.” I stopped my countdown when he started to go down the stairs. Dick.

We told this lady that she had to go. As kindly as we could, we kicked her out. I followed her downstairs to close and lock the door, and the boyfriend kept asking for a photograph of himself. He thought she had come here to have us do magick against him. He thought we were going to use his image to do something to him. Dude is crazy, I thought.

They kept talking and arguing outside of my place. At one point, he grabbed her by the hair, gently pulling on it. I can’t help but think that I should have done something more. What could I do? It is the question I keep asking myself. She didn’t say anything, she didn’t say, “I don’t want to go with him.” Had she said that, I would have said, “Okay, you can stay and we’ll wait for him to leave. Maybe call someone to come and help you.” But she opened the door. She literally opened the door for him to come in, after I had told her I did not want him in here, that he was not allowed in here. She let him in and let him come upstairs. What could I do? I cannot make her get help. I wish she hadn’t left with him.

It’s funny, thinking of how I reacted to this situation. I won’t lie, my voice trembled and my bones shook inside of me when I saw him at the edge of my living room. It brought back memories, seeing this angry and threatening man standing nonchalantly, speaking down to a battered woman. It brought back memories. But throughout high school I had to deal with disrespectful guys, either friends or classmates, and even recently in college and at work; and the countdown has always been effective and I always follow through with my warnings.

I have decided that if anyone is going to receive a reading it will be at a higher price. Friends tell friends, and every once in a while I do these readings, but I am raising my prices. I hope I never have to deal with anything like this again.

After they left, my mother and I, we were shaken. It was like watching an explosion, wanting to stop the explosion, to avoid it from happening, but then considering your own personal safety. If you touch the fire, you will get burnt. It felt like that. Although I was slightly nervous, we both kept thinking that the man might come back and knock on the door, I thought and felt. I felt what my home suddenly felt like; unsafe and intruded.



Photo Credit: Melissa Portan

Photo Credit: Melissa Portan




Tarot: One of My Horrible Experiences and Its Lessons


Namaste, friends. I begin by telling you all this story that happened just yesterday. I am fascinated by the tarot and do readings for friends and referrals that they bring me. I don’t do it on a regular basis, just when someone comes along with questions. I usually start the reading by lighting a candle and setting it on the table, I like to keep the lights dim to allow me to focus more, and I ask the seeker or the querent what his or her question is. Usually the person stutters or doesn’t know what to ask. The initial reaction of the querent is one of surprise and being overwhelmed. In their minds, and I know that in my own when I used to go for readings, it is as if all of their questions are going to be answered and some great divine secret is going to come through. This can put a lot of pressure on the seeker but also on the tarot reader, or me. But this nervousness and anxiousness and fear is quickly dissolved by talking about the question and by me giving a very brief explanation of how I do my readings. And so, my mom has a friend who has also become my friend. She is a gentle person, religious (Christian or Catholic, I am unsure), married and a mother, and I have offered to do a reading for her without charging. She is always so kind and I’ve told her that if she ever needs anything, does not have to be spiritually related, that she can call on me. She still has not but instead brought me someone who wanted to be seen. Word is, that I can see people and know.

When she called and told me of her friend, not mentioning any of the questions or possible problem she wants advice on, I was a bit apprehensive, but I decided to accept to give her reading. The reading was to be for a mother and her teenage daughter, a young woman of sixteen years. As I understood it, I was going to do two separate readings, like I had done for another mother-daughter duo two days previous. I was excited and admittedly nervous to meet them. When they arrived, I was prepping the table for the reading, bringing out my little tea light candle and the cards along with the pendulum. I heard my mom opening the door downstairs and I heard her voice was a bit strained or concerned. I saw the young woman and then her mother came in to the room. I was surprised and unsure while I was looking at the girl because she did not look like she wanted to be here. I sensed that she was tense and even scared. I said, “Hey!” like I greet people of my age and younger and her response was very contrite. So I thought that surely the reading was not going to be for her. I go back into my room and gather the last of my tools, light an incense stick on my altar, and come back out. I see that at the table of the center of the room the young woman is sat across her mother.

Walking into that room was liking hitting or colliding into a heavy invisible wall of darkness and tension. I looked at both, took my seat and asked, “So, who’s going to go first?” The mother looked at me as if I were crazy and said that both would be present. I want to clarify that at this point I did not know this was a minor of sixteen years old, so I asked how old she was and was then told. I said okay because I understood why a mother would want to be present for this sort of thing, but I was very reluctant and the tension was horrendous. I decided to keep going and see if when we started talking they would open up and the reading could begin. I usually never ask for my querenet’s name or age or marital status, sexual orientation, and so on, I have never needed to; those things tend to come out in the reading or from the querent’s mouth. But I decided to ask their names and their responses were so so controlled that I stopped with that. I suggested that I do the reading alone with her daughter and afterwards with her to give a more in-depth reading. The mother declined. I suggested it again moments later and again she declined. The daughter the whole time was sitting proper, her hands in her lap, back straight, not a sign of emotion in her face, her glasses covering her eyes which held a steady, cold, and an empty stare. Both of them had the same look in their eyes, dark, profound, heavy, and in the mother’s eyes I saw something disturbing: frustration, anger, and hate towards her daughter. I asked the girl, since the mother said to do the reading for her, to pick which deck she wanted to use. She chose the brighter looking one, which told me she wanted or needed hope more than anything practical or mundane. And so, I asked her what her question was to which the mom responded, “Well, can’t you just tell us?” I looked over at her and saw she was frustrated, “Alright” I said and decided to just shuffle the cards, “Let’s see what comes up.” I took my time shuffling the tarot deck and without looking at her I felt that she was getting impatient, so I shuffled even longer. Why? Because the cards are not there to tell her what she wants to hear and nor am I and I choose whether I will or will not do the reading. Basically, I am in control and I am not here to please her or be a soothsayer.

The cards came out and I did not like what I saw. Negativity, a torn relationship in the recent past, and the tower in the more recent past (previous days or weeks). The tower can mean many things and by looking at them both and seeing the tension and seeing the reluctance in the daughter and seeing the cards representing a young woman and an older woman opposite the tower, I saw that there might have been a very big and explosive fight recently. I asked the girl if she had been in a relationship, if she had a boyfriend. I nearly bit my tongue because I did not want to ask her, my back was burning from the discomfort and from staving off the overwhelming tension and negativity. I cringed even more when I saw a smirk come over the mother’s shadowed face.  The young woman denied having had any relationship. I sighed, because I began to become fully aware of her secretive nature and the intensely probing nature of the mother. I tried asking the girl what exactly she wanted to know and she shrugged her shoulders and looked to her mother. I am not exaggerating my descriptions of these two and I have not been at peace after that day. The mother bit her lip and looked over at me and down at the cards, she put her hands together and said, “Here’s the thing,” and I sighed, trying to relax thinking that finally they were going to ask me something and allow me to read them. “Here’s the thing,” she said, “I want to know about her. I want to know everything about her, what she is thinking, what she is doing, everything.” And I am sitting there, between these two, looking at this woman thinking, “What the fuck is wrong with you?” I am thinking of saying, “If you want to know everything about your daughter talk to your daughter, don’t come to me or someone else, don’t go to a psychic and ask that person to find out and tell you everything.” But I held my tongue while looking at her. I understood and heard with my intuition that she wanted to know whether her daughter was a virgin or not.

I repeated her words to her, “You want to know everything about her?” “Yes,” she said as if my question was the stupid one. I shook my head, “I cannot tell you what she does not want me to tell you or what she does  not want to tell you. Her thoughts are her own, they belong to her, they change, and they are private. She does not want me to give her a tarot reading, she does not want you to know whatever it is that it is. I won’t tell you her private things. If you don’t give me a way in, if you don’t ask a clear question, I cannot answer it.” She looked at me dumbfounded and said again, “Alright, alright, here’s the thing,” and I am still sitting there, ready to kick her out but still hoping that somehow I got through to her, “I want to know about her health. Can you tell me about her health?” “Sure,” and I looked down at the cards and saw a lot of water. Still, I saw things that were secret and hidden from her mother and I kept my lips tight. I asked the young woman and I spoke to both, “I am not a doctor, so whatever issue you are dealing with and are not telling me about I cannot recommend a solution for, but here is what I see. There are issues with blood and water. The most I can tell you is to drink more water.” Focusing on the young one I asked, looking into her eyes, “Do you have pain in your vagina, ovaries?” She shook her head. “Do you have trouble with controlling your bladder, going to the bathroom often?” “No,” she said. Leaned back in my seat and looked at her, in her eyes I saw surprise when I asked her about the pain in her vagina. But the moment was so quick and with her lips she denied it that I left it at that. I thought, I am not going to force my way into someone’s private world to reveal things that are wished to be kept secret. It just goes against my morals, were it so easy to me I would be working for the NSA. I kept silent and the mother took advantage of the moment, “Well, can’t you just tell us?” “You two do not get along. You want to know if she has had sex and she does not want to reveal anything to you, so I cannot do a reading when both of your energies are clashing.” She began to shake her head, “Well, if you cannot do it then…” I explained to her how the cards and a reading works, “You are not giving me anything and you are not saying anything.” “Can’t you just tell us without asking?” “Yes I can, but the reason I am asking is because the cards have different meanings and they vary. I can tell you many different things and they may not be what you are interested in knowing.” So, my voice had raised to lecture level volume. I decided to bring out my pendulum as a last effort and held it over the open hand of the young one, I asked it, loudly, to tell us if she did indeed want a tarot reading. Lo and Behold! it responded in the negative. Her eyes widened and she looked over at her mother quickly. The mother again gave a quiet smile. The mother said, “Ask it again.” And I did and I asked again and this time the pendulum answered yes. We even did a test question, what her favorite color is, she said blue. The pendulum said yes. Afterwards, moments later, the mother said, “That thing you did with that little thing, you move it don’t you? Because everything you said about her and the cards was not true.” So I looked over at the girl, who was pale and still sitting quite upright and confirmed her mother’s words. “Well, it’s your energy and her energy colliding. You are not admitting anything or participating in any form and you are denying everything even though I can clearly see the tension between both of you, so I cannot provide a clear reading.” My mom came in and I said, “These two are not working together, I cannot do it this way.” So the woman got nervous, “You know, I can’t explain it, but its my energy. I am not comfortable here. My energy does not like it here.” And I said, “Yeah, that was obvious when you walked in.” “Yeah, I think it is best that I go.” Thank God she decided to remove herself because I was about to slip the chair from underneath her and kick her ass out. I looked at the daughter, who while I had explained the privacy and sovereignty of her thoughts, had given a smile, and she sat there looking at her mom with wide eyes.

My gut twisted and my heart beat faster because I wished that I could do something for the girl, I said to her quietly, do you want to stay. She did not answer and instead looked at her mom and said, “I’m going with my mom.” And she stood up like a soldier, quick, stiff, solid, and they walked out.

So, guys, that is what happened yesterday and I am writing about it today to share with you this experience. I’ve sat here and lied in bed awake, thinking about this situation. Here is why I have been thinking and replaying this situation over and over in my head: they wear both lying to me. How do I know? Am I some sort of super psychic? The answer is simple, mundane, and direct without anything spiritual or metaphysical. Remember the kind friend who introduced to me these two? She was still in the apartment while I was doing the reading and she left with them. She was embarrassed and upset as she left because she saw that they did not pay and decided to run out. Well, she sticked around asking what happened and I quickly explained the situation.

When my mom and I were alone we got talking and cleansing the place from all the shadows and negativity that had been dumped on us. “You know,” said my mom,  “I was talking to ____ while you were doing the reading and she was telling me that the girl was having some pains in her vagina or ovaries. They had gone to doctors and gotten check ups with no results. And, the mother suspects that she is having sex. I think she is pregnant or had a pregnancy but does not want the mother to know, which is why she is so scared.” I was furious when I heard what my mom was saying. So, the two denied what I was saying even though it was true. I knew they were lying but it just is not proper to tell someone, a customer or someone you are trying to help, that they are lying; they will only deny it more and more.

The Lessons:  

1. Don’t do tarot or any kind of readings in your place of residence. Why? It disharmonizes your home energy. You are inviting people you do not know into your home, people whose intentions are unknown, and you allow their energies to enter. All your cleansings and protections will strain against the intrusion and may or may not fail.

2.  Have the querent/customer/seeker pay before the consult. In the tarot or psychic reading business the reading or cleansing is usually done before payment. If the person lies or is unsatisfied with the work for whatever reason, he or she can walk out having spent your time and energy for free. Tarot readings, cleansings, psychic readings, spiritual advice, are all very intimate, subjective things, meaning they are not quantifiable, meaning it is impossible to measure and control them, these things. Not everyone is going to click with you, the tarot reader, and this does not mean they get to get a consult without payment. It is not fair, it is rude, it is thievery, and so on. Most, not all, but most tarot readers or psychics do this type of work based on a sincere desire to help others. Taking advantage of that goodness is just not a positive and beneficial thing to do.

4. As a tarot reader or a psychic you have your intuition finely tuned. The moment you see someone and you feel something is off, deny that person the reading. It is not worth the trouble and there are other people who you can really help and you are not the only one that provides these types of services, so they can take themselves somewhere else. Doing a reading for someone with whom you do not like and challenges your morals is not worth it. No amount of money or necessity should dictate your morality. Some tarot readers or psychics will tell you that I am wrong and that I am just not good at reading the cards. Your readings will always work with your internal compass, that is why it is important to clearly understand what you think is right and wrong and why. For people who believe that they can see or read and say things regardless of the person’s desires, they might be able to do so. But I live by a certain philosophy, I have my own set of beliefs that say that we are each on our independent roads, we will learn what we want to learn, and we have to strive to advance. I do not believe a person can come and give you the answers you seek and have you just sit there, not break a sweat and put zero effort into your enlightenment. So, figure out your rules, philosophy, beliefs, whatever you want to call it.

5. Stick to your inner rules. Follow your inner compass. Stick to them no matter what!

6. Trust in your spirit guides, your spiritual practice, and your God. Whatever you practice, believe in it and believe that it will guide you and support you, even if the ways do not always seem positive and are hurtful.

Remember, the darkness hates the light, flees from the light, denies the light, and seeks more darkness.



Photo Credit: Melissa Portan

Photo Credit: Melissa Portan





What can the Tarot Reveal?


The tarot is a very versatile tool, but what can we see when do readings or what can we expect to be told when receiving a reading? I went around the internet looking at tarot websites that connect tarot readers with customers and what I found was very disappointing and frustrating. First of all, there is always a disclaimer on the websites stating that the services (tarot readings, psychic readings, etc.) found there are for entertainment purposes only. This is the first thing that is frustrating and annoying about finding online tarot readings. Most people that search for a tarot reader do so because they need advice or guidance, not because they want to be entertained. I understand why there would be such a disclaimer, to protect the tarot readers and the companies, but tarot readings are not solely for entertainment, at least they should not be. When the tarot is not used for entertainment it is used as a self-help tool. The tarot provides insights to the mind and spirit and brings awareness to the reader and the person receiving the reading. Long ago, when the tarot was not so looked down upon, it was primarily used to foretell future events, but with growing religions and developing science, the belief that the future can be foreseen diminished. The tarot became a game and so that is how it has survived through the ages, disguised as a game anyone can play, to the point that there is always a disclaimer reminding us that it is for entertainment.

So the tarot can reveal someone’s mental state and attitude towards the world or present situation. But what about the divination aspect of the tarot? Can the tarot foresee the future? In my opinion, yes. Depending on how you look at the cards and what aspects of the deck you focus on, the tarot can be used for different things, like seeing the future. But this is where people get confused and snarky. When I say the tarot can see or tell us the future, I do not mean that the tarot is going to tell you exactly what is going to happen, where it is going to happen, how it is going to happen, and when it is going to happen. There are things in the future that won’t always be there, meaning that the future changes with the choices we make. There is destiny and there is choice in that destiny. When reading the tarot for the purpose of divining the future, it shows us what will happen if we make the choices we are in that moment, the moment of the reading, thinking of making. It shows us where the choices we made weeks or months ago are taking us, where the thoughts and mind are leading us. The tarot is a tool of empowerment, not over the elements, or the future, or other people, but over the self.

When it comes to the self and the physical and mental states, the tarot also provides insight. Again, there is always a disclaimer saying that questions concerning health issues should not be asked and that tarot readers should not address or respond to such questions. Again, frustrating. I always say and I live by this, that there are the spiritual/astral aspects one has to take care of and the physical/mental aspects that also need attention. This means searching for a doctor when needed and searching for spiritual guidance when needed. But to tell people that those questions should be ignored by the tarot reader is a very limiting and strict way of doing readings. The tarot, when analyzed thoroughly, reveals the physical state of the person. Whether the seeker (the person asking for the tarot reading) is in a state of laziness/lethargy or in a very heightened sexual state or is not exercising enough or is too focused on exercising can all be seen with the tarot. Risks of serious health conditions also come through readings. For example, I once read the tarot to a young man. He had never had a tarot reading and was nervous, but we talked and I explained to him how it works. As we got along in the reading, I was able to accurately describe his mental state and attitude to his then present situation. Then, near the end of the session, I saw that he had a propensity to heart conditions, such as high blood pressure. It was a mixture of intuition and the information the tarot provided and so I asked him. And he said, “Yeah, my doctor already warned me.” I was surprised. I didn’t expect him to confirm the tarot. Then I did a reading for his father, who thought himself an expert on the tarot and was a total thick head. I decided to decline giving him a tarot reading for a couple of reasons: 1. he was an asshole 2. thought he already knew what the cards were saying, no point in me being there 3. did not believe/want to listen to anything/focused only on future events 4. he was lying about situations (his stories/questions did not match up). But the one thing I told him and I unexpectedly found, was that he needed to take more care of his heart. Again, he confirmed that he takes medicine for high blood pressure. To both of them, I did not give medical advice, I simply suggested that they take more care and pay more attention and even seek medical attention.

One of the most difficult things about spirituality and tarot readings is belief. What the tarot can reveal and what someone can spiritually experience depends very much on the person’s beliefs. If someone comes in for a reading, like the thick head mentioned above, and he or she does not believe in tarot readings, the tarot will not respond. In such cases, the tarot reader will not be able to properly read the tarot and tune in to the seekers energy. Why? Why if the tarot is a tool one can use and a tool is something independent, why does it depend on belief, a thing intangible? There is no definitive answer. These things are dismissed by science as fraud and hobbies of poor crazy people. If we look at the spiritual aspect, we know that everyone has his and her own energy and that everyone has different levels of energy and that souls are each at different levels and cycles. When someone comes searching for a reading and does not believe and completely denies the possibility, whether it is a psychic reading or a tarot reading, his or her mind is closed to it, to the information, to the experience, and his or her energy blocks that new energy from entering his/her energetic system/body. And if you consider that there are spirit guides that aid, if not completely do the readings, and someone comes in with a mocking attitude or total disbelief looking to be convinced, those spiritual beings will not respond to that person. People that believe should be allowed to believe and people that do not believe should be allowed to not believe. There is nothing wrong with or with not believing and perhaps that is not why readings don’t come through for certain people. Perhaps it is more about an open mind than a belief in the spiritual.

Often, the seekers of readings make a very big mistake. Often, people believe everything the tarot reader says. Sometimes, the reader is not right and is misguided or makes mistakes. The misconception that tarot readers and psychics are infallible, that they know everything and are never wrong, is what causes some readings to fail. Why does a reading fail or become ineffective or unproductive? Because the seeker, the person that wanted the tarot reading, leaves the session believing certain things that with time are proven untrue or ineffective and useless. I think of tarot readings as stepping stones, as markers in my spiritual path. I think of a man who throughout my life gave me readings as a guide, as a physically present spirit guide, but I never fully and unquestioningly believed everything he said to me. I took his words as words of guidance and deep spiritual wisdom and the things that didn’t sit well with my heart, I dropped, sometimes later finding that they were true and openly going back and embracing them.


Namaste, friends.